She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Your cock deserves a montage
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
