he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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