the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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