arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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