There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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