One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Is it because I queefed?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
