You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
