Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow

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(802): View more from Vermont

my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???

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(917): View more from New York City

you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar

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(301): View more from Maryland

look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.

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(301): View more from Maryland

I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?

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(720): View more from Colorado

Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.

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(806): View more from Texas

I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.

(940): View more from Texas

I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?

(806): View more from Texas

LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.

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