So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
