i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
