I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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