remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
