haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
