You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
