Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
