tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
