I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
