so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
