I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
