Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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