so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
