Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
