I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
