y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
