I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
