i think i have herpe
just one?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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