so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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