i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
