I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
