nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
