should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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