Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
