i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
