Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Quick, to the slutcave!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
