your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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