4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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