thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
