Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
