you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
