she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
