Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you would pick up someone in the library
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
