just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
