god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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