So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
