i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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