I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
