This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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