Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
