I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
