She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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